Many times I like to input my perspective or my opinion when sometimes I just have to sit back and listen. A person who truly recognizes that you are listening does not need that input from you. I am starting to realize that about myself. It’s OK to sit back and not have to make things personal in order to relate to it! In order to truly listen. And if you’re always waiting to respond or thinking about what you’ll see next, are you really listening?
This is something that I’m truly working on growing from. It is a self-centeredness that I must learn to accept, control and step outside of in order to truly help others, listen to others, and be a guide to others who request my assistance.
No spiritual guide will have all the answers. I must accept that I will not receive all of the answers not in this lifetime, and maybe not even the next. It is not always about the wisdom that you receive. Sometimes you’re just meant to simply admire the things that are beautiful along the path you walk. Stopping to smell the flowers and being thankful for the people that help you grow your garden.
This is the last time for a while that the word I will be used so many times! We, your & you. Taking into account that I am not alone and I cannot do this alone. No spiritual guide is perfect. I surely am not. But I will not stop at growing. I simply need to be the best me I can be.
There is no competition. I must let go of a need to compete. This is because there’s always been an insecurity within myself. That I’m not good enough. That I constantly need to be better than who I am and what I am instead of embracing who I am and what I am and truly loving myself. The battles with depression, the suicide attempts, the times where I clung onto someone or something in order to escape from the feelings that I truly had about myself for the longest time. The sexual assault. Not to mention the abuse that I have been through domestically that I do not share with others the details of. But at some point, in order to really grow who I am as a person I have to release these things. This trauma. And recognize it for what it is.
And to anyone that I have been toxic to: I truly apologize. I take responsibility for the fact that I was not the person that I should have been for you. I take responsibility in the fact that even a person who has been traumatized can too cause a trauma and hurt others.
I will accept, embrace, learn, love, give, and grow.