First off, I am not a victim. I’m still in human form, and I still make mistakes, but I wanted to share my account of dealing with true spiritual narcissism, and the traumatic affects they can have on your spiritual journey, your self-worth, your connection to your divine inner light, and all that is sacred within you.
I respect the fact that there’s two sides to every story. I made mistakes too. I wasn’t a perfect friend but at the same time I know I didn’t deserve the responses that I was given, and many of the actions that were taken.
I didn’t realize that there are people who are healers and have a great amount of wisdom that still may have a twisted mind and an unnerving uncomfortable energy. And being a person who is able to absorb, transmute or reflect energy, I didn’t realize until I was underneath this spiritual narcissist’s wing that there were a lot of things that I already knew how to do I just didn’t know the ways to say them spiritually until getting deeper into my journey.
The problem is, once you start thinking you’ve “perfected” spirituality, you’re already far from reality and far from the journey you originally intended to take (before the ego got involved).
For all their boasting, they should be so in touch with spirituality that they know exactly how to encourage you in yours. They should be the epitome of support (since they claim to know it all).
A spiritual narcissist won’t just keep these twisted views to themselves, they’ll try and persuade other people that they’re right.
And the interesting part about it is, there will be other spiritual people around you, that recognize that you are being abused. They feel the unnerving presence of this person. And try to guide you in the right direction. And as the abused, you may continue to keep going back until you have finally reached the limit and you can’t take anymore.
My story.
For years, because I was open to learning more about the different spiritual beliefs that others had, I let into my life a spiritual narcissist, that I trusted to be close to me.
I allowed abuse and degradation.
At this point, I had already been in my spiritual journey for almost a decade. It started off slow because I was raised in the church, but as I slowly allowed myself to reprogram, I started to pick up more and more that this person was trying to lead me in their direction and not the right direction.
I allowed this person to tell me that I didn’t have the authority that I AM, and have in the gifts that I in fact possess. And I have never seen a person so obsessed with making sure that there was a mention of how much more different and how much more special they were Any time they would tell me something positive about myself. They had to make sure I knew it was good, but it wasn’t great and it wasn’t better than them and what they could do. That is spiritual narcissism. There are still things that I would like to kindly correct about the way that they handled things, but it took me these few years to realize that I had to really let it go. My well-being was constantly compromised. My alignment and my connection with Spirit was constantly compromised due to this person. This person openly made disrespectful opinions about people in my entire family, including the way that I mother my children.
According to them, this was done out of love, and this person knew exactly what things to say, and do to trigger or hurt me. And even though there were a lot of spiritual corrections and growth made on my part still during the turmoil of this rocky spiritual relationship, there were a lot of mental setbacks.
Sometimes the messages were so aggressive and degrading that I would get a panic attack. If I would see my phone go off because I felt like it was this person that I trusted about to tell me that yet again, I did something wrong and that my heart is not pure and then I’m not a good person.
I was told several times that I would go to hell, I was called stupid, I was called a bitch, and whenever I try to assert my authority and my boundaries in the relationship, I was called disrespectful. And if it turned out that they were wrong about the situation, then they would try to softly apologize and draw me back in. You would think that this was a romantic relationship the way that I’m speaking but no, this was just someone that I let in as a friend. A spiritual friend.
Family and other friends and even clients were warning me constantly. But the paranoia that this spiritual narcissist had was projected onto me, and so I started to think that people that were telling me this were the ones attacking or trying to ruin our bond or friendship. And I started separating myself from people. We would be up and down in our friendship, and everyone could tell the times that I would take a break because I would be back to myself and socializing with everyone again. As soon as I was around this person again after a fight, I would allow myself to be isolated from everyone once more. Spirit kept sending me signs that told me to walk away and let go. And I didn’t listen I kept taking the abuse over and over and over for years.
There were so many things that I wanted to share with this person, but because everything had to be challenged that would come from my knowledge, and what I have learned, I stopped sharing. And I knew that this person could learn so much more and be so much better than they are the whole time, but I had to learn that it was really, truly, best to simply walk away.
And don’t get me wrong, if spirit moved me to be open, I was. I still shared a lot of information, probably information that I shouldn’t have and I’m sure that they feel that way too however, if it was some thing I knew I didn’t express that I already knew it. I still listened and took in a different perspective of information that I may or may not have already known. That’s what you do when you love someone you listen to what they have to say and you learn who they truly are. You make discoveries together. I never knew that being wise and being insane could correlate in such away until meeting this person.
And I wish them all the best. All the success in the world to continue to give and receive and experience the beauty of life, but it will be done without me.
AN UPDATE to this post. This persons "mother" had reached out to me on my business page under a post where I talked about how much my mother and grandmother had helped me since I was a young girl and had the nerve to insert her daughter, the person in which this blog is about. I have yet to speak a name to anyone of who this person truly is. The only ones who know are those EXTREMELY close to me. Anyway I thought I'd post my response here. I have hope that one day she'll see that it was very obvious none of the messages coming from her "mother", "husband" and "cousins" phones and pages sounded any different than the way she would speak to me and that it was extremely obvious it was her. Now granted, I sold a necklace to her mother that I have PROOF was authentic sterling silver, however it broke her out very badly. The same metal I gave her daughter and wore myself with no break outs and I CANNOT wear synthetic materials. Seems like it was more telling than I thought.
"The mother" blocked me before I could respond, and to respect her confidentiality I will not post what was written as it contains her and her daughter's name.
My response: There are two people that that have been here since the beginning to present of my spiritual journey and that is my mother and grandmother. In 2014 when I started doing readings, they were there to support me. In 2017 when I first made my page and it was named readings by Erica Monique, they were there to support me. Now, if you are speaking of your daughter, it was not until 2020 after Covid hit, and my grandfather passed away that we started to rekindle our friendship and have a spiritual connection with one another. I was already making candles with HERBS. I was already making jewelry WITH CRYSTALS. Tarot cards are associated with the crystals and chakras. We shared much wisdom together including books and guides that I sent her of my studies of crystals and color magic. Angels and astrology. She sent me many resources as well on these same subjects, kundalini, herbalism and meditation included.
I’m glad that you came across this post and my page. Because you can clearly see that those things that were shared with me I did NOT take as my own. And every creative piece that she had posted on her page, I was sharing anytime she posted before I had to block her due to her publicly stating that my clients or referrals were disrespectful because I didn’t express to them, full blown adults, etiquette on how to converse with other readers. Mind you I actually did make that post. I reposted it today. That post was originally made in September 2021. She read it then. I only offer services for things I am authentically gifted in and was already doing before we connected during my journey. I was not alone in my journey before then and that she is well aware of this.
But she expressed that we had a karmic relationship that needed to be cleared. That I had stolen her life basically and that I owed her before she even started to share any wisdom with me. There’s much better ways to deliver messages such as “I know your husband better than you do” for example. Regardless, every week to two weeks that she would become upset or hurt about something I said or did wrong I would damn near beg for understanding and forgiveness, something that no one who is truly loved should be having to do, unless I’m completely mistaken on what love is.
I do appreciate that you initiated this response and I am at a place that I can peacefully oblige to your request.
And again, I’m aware of the incident with your necklace and have the company in which wholesales the sterling silver rope chain you received. Their information is on file, if you’d like proof of the description at anytime to further clear up that I in fact did not intentionally give you an inauthentic chain knowing you are allergic to synthetic metals as am I, I’ll be happy to oblige to that as well.
Anyways, look at me now.